Keep holding on
by BumpsAlongTheOtps
Summary: Finn Hudson wasn't just a best friend. He wasn't just the person that Quinn misled into believing that he had fathered her child and if he were here now then life would be a hell of a lot easier. He's always there though in ways that neither of them realize until they're faced with the death of their second daughter.
1. The baby

**Disclaimer - **

**I don't own Glee or anything relating to it. If I did then the show would be following a quirky couple with their adorable daughter to New Haven not Rachel Berry to Broadway.**

* * *

A smile.

A laugh.

And suddenly for one single second life doesn't seem so terrible. It's as if death isn't  
lingering over their every move then the phone rings and the reality of the situation  
once again sets in. It could be his mother, he rationalized, or Shelby calling to ask once  
again if Beth is handling living there without her. _It could also be the hospital telling _  
_them to rush down to say their final goodbyes to their precious newborn._ He  
watched as his gorgeous girlfriend's face fell and reaches for the phone with a heavy  
heart. He was going to need to be the strong one now.

"Hello?"

"Were you and Quinn getting freaky? What took you so long to answer the phone? Ew  
no don't tell me.. I'm on my way to your house so get Beth ready." He let out the  
breath that he had been holding in and mouthed, "It's just Jake". He hated seeing  
how relieved that those words made Quinn. It shouldn't be like this. They shouldn't  
feel so much agony over something as simple as a phone call. "What?" "You asked me  
to take Beth to school today, remember? So you and Quinn could," and there was the  
pause. The uncomfortable moment of silence when Puck realizes that nobody quite  
knows how to handle their situation. Words fail you when something like this happens.  
"Visit the baby?" He helped gently and he can feel the relief in his brother's voice as he  
lets out a weak word of agreement.

The brothers shared a quiet goodbye as Quinn prepared their three year old daughter  
for preschool. "Daddy! Look!" She came rushing into the kitchen in an outfit that made  
his heart-break a little more than it should. It hurt in a good way though to see her in  
the tiny replica of none other than Finn Hudson's letterman jacket. It had started out  
as a joke between him and Kurt that eventually turned into a reality. Rachel had written  
a tiny note along with the gift stating that this is what Finn would have wanted as Beth  
was the closest thing to a child that he ever got.

"You look so beautiful! Just like your mother!" He cooed affectionately as he lifted the tiny girl off of the ground and held her close to his body. The warm embrace reminded him that there was still some good in the world. Everything seemed okay again. Perhaps he could convince Quinn not to not spend her whole day sitting at the baby's incubator.

_The baby._

It felt so strange to not have a proper name for their second daughter but they simply didn't have the time to think of one. They expected forty possibly forty-two weeks to think of a name not for Quinn to start suffering from severe pregnancy complications leading to their daughter's birth at twenty-eight weeks. "Are you excited to see uncle Jake today? Did your mama tell you that he's taking you to school?" The toddler's excited nods reminded him of a bobble head. She really would have made a lovely Drizzle. She had enough spunk to handle any teasing that the name would bring. He was so lost in his thoughts about Finn that he didn't even hear the phone ring or Quinn let out a heavy sigh. "Noah, we need to go to the hospital right now."

_She only called him Noah when it was bad._


	2. Death always brings us together

Choices.

If there was one thing that Lucy Quinn Fabray was known for then it was making the  
wrong choice. She slept with Puck when she should have been with Finn, given up her  
baby without realizing the emotional toll that it could take on her and convinced her  
boyfriend to have his vasectomy reversed 'just in case'. She assumed that having it  
done before they actually wanted to conceive would give them time in case the doctor  
informed them that it wasn't successful. If she could go back in time at this very  
moment then she would slap her younger self in the face. Hard.

It wasn't that she didn't love her daughter but she was scared of her. Puck assumed  
that she sat next to the incubator out of this strong maternal bond but it wasn't. It  
was this intense level of guilt that kept her from admitting that maybe having a  
second baby wasn't a wise choice. They both had their futures ahead of them and  
dropping out of Yale had disappointed her mother far more than having Beth had. One  
mistake is forgivable but two? Two says that you never learn.

And here she was put into the situation where she had to make the choice to give up  
or fight for another one of her babies. Her tiny organs weren't developed. She hadn't  
been listening to what the doctor had told her but something about organ failure and  
did they want to operate?

She could die on the operating table or she could die wrapped in silk while being held  
by the people who loved her. She and Puck exchanged one single look and she knew  
what they were going to do. Did this count as giving up? Or allowing their daughter to  
give up on a fight that she didn't deserve to be in? Their hands found each other  
without either of them noticing like a subtle life-preserver keeping the other from  
floating off into the sea. "We should... We should call Fi- Rachel and Kurt... Santana  
and Brittany... Everyone. I want everyone here right now."

Puck's near Finn slip up reminded Quinn how lucky that she was. She had her girls  
behind her and he had lost the one person who seemed to forgive him no matter  
what. He needed him now so she offered a weak smile, "It's going to be okay.. We're  
going to make it through this."

She didn't know if that was true or not but this little New Directions reunion was as  
close to having a large supportive family around as either of them could get. "Why  
don't you make the calls and I'll go call Beth's school to let them know that she  
might need to stay a little late.. And Shelby." She hissed Shelby in a tone that felt  
foreign to her. How could a mother walk away from the child that she had been  
raising? It wasn't her fault and Quinn didn't really resent her for it. It was incredibly  
brave of Shelby to admit that she wanted to try her hand at Broadway but couldn't  
bear the thought of forcing Beth to go through that. Having a nanny seemed cruel  
when she could have the two people in the world who loved her more than anything.

If Puck was looking at her right now then he would get a little worried about that look  
on her face like she was plotting something. This was less selfish than the last time  
that he had seen it. She was no longer trying to show how 'terrible' of a mother that  
Shelby was or conceiving a second child in high school. "Um.. Dr. Colbert? Do you  
think that maybe it would be possible for... P- Noah has lost a lot this year. His best  
friend died, he gave up the air force for me and I want to do something for him. I  
know that this is breaking all rules but can she be moved to a room... A closet... God  
I don't care. If we're going to get through this then he needs to have family around  
and I want everyone to see her and meet her and love her... And my baby.. Our baby.  
Beth. She's three and totally germ free."

_But what she really meant is that she wants to love her._

Archer Colbert had seen enough babies die for it to lose effect on him but something  
about this made him want to break hospital protocol and allow her friends to meet  
her baby. Children under the age of twelve weren't allowed on this floor let alone into  
a room to meet a premature baby. "I'll see what I can do but I can't make any  
promises."


	3. Talk me down (Puck's POV)

**Disclaimer - This is going to be a short little 'extra' chapter in Puck's point of view because I feel **  
**like the best way to truly get into his feelings is to do it this way. If you guys would like one from **  
**Quinn's or another from Puck or anyone other glee member including Finn from above then let **  
**me know.**

* * *

_I've never been good at the whole feelings thing. I bullied students more than anyone else before Glee club and Quinn saved me. I don't want to think about what would have happened to me if not for them. Part of my change was the birth of Beth and I was hoping that this baby's birth would finish it. I was hoping that sticking around this time would finally make me a real man. The kind of person that my father could never seem to be for me, my brother or either of our mothers._

_I knew from the beginning of this journey that I wasn't going to walk away from Quinn and the baby like I know he would. I'm going to stand strong and show her that everything is going to be okay or at least that was my intention. I think it got lost from my brain to my heart because now I'm sitting on the phone crying to Burt Hummel like he has all the answers. "Please.. Please come down. I know that this is going to be hell for you but please. She's not going to make it and I don't think that I can either."_

_Of course he's coming._

_I think that I backed him into a corner. How was he supposed to say no to me when I was acting like some sissy little boy? I'm no man. If I think about it then I'm really not much better than my own father and I'm certainly not more deserving of life than Finn was. Sometimes I wonder if all of this is the worlds way of telling me that it should have been me not him. He would know exactly what to do and what to say if he and Rachel were going through this._

_Quinn doesn't deserve to experience this just because I've made some bad choices in my life. How am I supposed to face a room full of our.. her closest friends and act like this isn't my fault? They are going to see right through me and my 'good father' act. Beth cries and I don't know what to do. It isn't like when she was smaller and all I needed to do was draw a silly picture. I hate to think that this baby might be better off not knowing me.. Not having me disappoint her like I know Quinn's dad has disappointed her. He wasn't there for her when she needed him and now look at her._

_She ended up loving someone like me._

_God.. Finn.. I wish you were here._


	4. Forever a solo

Rachel had vowed not to return to Lima again after Glee club had  
been disbanded. Watching Quinn and Puck sing their beautiful version  
of just give me a reason had showed her that she couldn't do this.  
She couldn't be in this town and pretend that every single second  
didn't break her heart. The only reason that she was even in town  
now was because sweet baby Quick had been too early and she  
knew how much that they had on their plates with Beth there now.

She didn't actually expect the baby to die especially not today.

Today would have been the anniversary of the day that she and Finn  
first sang in Glee club together. Most people probably wouldn't  
remember something so silly and they certainly wouldn't allow it to  
ruin their whole evening. She had ignored calls and texts from  
everyone including Kurt and Blaine's invitation to come over and play  
Broadway pictionary. She would only ruin the evening by stealing  
glances at Finn's picture.

The only people that she was willing to answer calls from were Quinn  
and Puck on the off-chance that they had news about the baby.  
"Hello? Puck? Is everything okay?" "The baby.. We've decided to pull..  
We're going to let... She's tired and Q... We really want everyone to  
see her before she goes." Go and see the baby die? Witness the tiny  
life that she resented for so long die? Yes, Rachel Barbra Berry had  
once been extremely angry about something as wonderful as a baby  
coming into the world.

She hated it but her first thought when she heard that Quinn and Puck  
were having yet another baby was jealousy. It wasn't fair that she  
and Finn weren't going to bring little Aria and Christopher into the  
world while everyone else went about their lives. They acted like they  
cared when he died but nobody really did. They all expected her to go  
back to being regular Rachel who only thought about singing and  
getting the solo.

Finn's death had made her realize that she didn't want to be the lead  
solo anymore. She wanted to be a part of a duet! Finchel was always  
supposed to be endgame especially over the other couplings in Glee.  
She hadn't switched partners like it was a huge game! The only  
person that she had ever truly loved was Finn which said more than  
Brittany and Santana. Brittany had gone and tried to marry Sam just  
because she thought that the world was going to end! "Yeah.. Yeah...  
I'll be there, Puck. Do you want me to swing by Beth's preschool and  
pick her up?" If there was one person that could turn this day around  
for her then it was miss Beth.

Nobody talked about Finn's feelings after Beth's adoption but the two  
had a few talks about the girl who he had grown to love as his  
own. They hid it from the other members, including Quinn and Puck,  
but they had visited Shelby a few times to see her. Seeing him with a  
child showed her that he was going to be such a wonderful father  
when they had children. These visits were actually what led to them  
deciding that they wanted two children. A boy first who would be  
Christopher after his father and Aria because it meant solo melody.

It took everything inside of her just to get out of bed with that dark  
thought looming inside her. _Finn wouldn't want this._ He wouldn't  
want her to mope around in one of his baggy old shirts! He would  
want her to be happy.. live her life.. Maybe even meet someone who  
made her happy not as happy as she used to be but happy. Loving  
someone means accepting that they deserve to be happy even if it  
isn't with you and he certainly loved her. A reluctant sigh escaped her  
lips as she pulled his shirt over her head. Her eyes went to her 'Finn'  
tattoo and a sweet image came to her mind.

He might not be here physically but he would always be with her. She  
slipped into a suitable outfit before grabbing her keys and finally  
making her way to the outside world. Was she even on the accepted  
pick up list for Beth's school? It didn't matter if she wasn't. She was  
**_the_** Rachel Berry... Only the finest Broadway star that had ever  
come from this town! How could they not know who she was?

Apparently things don't really work like that and the office ended up  
needing to call Quinn to confirm that Rachel was indeed allowed to  
pick up Beth. Now that they were safely in her car, she was able to  
talk to the three-year old. "Did your mommy and daddy tell you that  
you had a baby sister?" The mini Quinn nodded with a large smile,  
"Daddy said that she was so excited to meet me that she came early!  
But I don't get to meet her yet because she's too little." Rachel  
actually found herself smiling at her biological adoptive sister's  
innocent view on the situation. Quinn and Puck were doing a lovely  
job with her.

"Well.. You're going to meet her today and some of your mom and  
dad's old friends will be there.. Brittany, Santana, Kurt, Blaine.." She  
didn't expect to be cut off by Beth's innocent yet heartbreaking  
announcement, "Finn! I want Finn to come!" Oh goodness.. Did she  
understand death? "Honey.. Finn is dead... Finn can never come back."


	5. Aria Barbra Puckerman

The rest of the former One Directions group was already gathered in the tiny hospital waiting room when Rachel arrived with Beth or rather when Beth raced into Santana's arms with a frazzled Rachel chasing desperately after her. "Beth Eleanor! That isn't funny!" Santana and Brittany clearly found this amusing. "Chill, Berry.. It's not the kid's fault that she loves me more." She seemed almost maternal in a weird way as she stroked the little girl's face. Her and her Brittany were in a world all their own as they whispered sweet things to each other and Beth. They would make wonderful mothers one day.

Everyone looked sweet in their coupling actually. If Quinn wasn't thinking about her dying baby and planning a funeral without using the cliche 'gone too soon' line then she would notice the lost expression on Rachel's face. The blonde was instead nuzzling her face into her boyfriend's neck as he stroked her lower back. The pair looked like something out of a romance movie even if these terrible circumstances. The pair pulled away and the group finally got a clear look at Quinn's face which still looked beautiful even with thick mascara lines running down it.

"We should... We should go see her and say our goodbyes." Nobody questioned her or even spoke. Beth wiggled her way out of Santana's grasp and into her mother's arms before whispering, "Mommy.. Don't be sad." If this wasn't so heartbreaking then she would have been so incredibly happy to hear such compassionate words come from her daughter's mouth. The little girl with too many parents was turning out okay after all. Looks like teenage parents can create wonderful human beings after all.

Puck didn't realize how loud that footsteps could be until it was the only noise. Nobody spoke during their walk to that special hospital room and even their breathing was silent. He almost wanted someone to make an inappropriate comment so he wouldn't be stuck with his thoughts. "Did you guys hear that I'm auditioning for Wicked?" Leave it to Rachel.. He pretended to be angry with a glare like he was offended by her but he was so grateful.

Quinn gave everyone a brief warning about how the baby would look different from Beth had when she was a newborn because she wasn't fully developed. Everyone already knew this but they acted like they didn't. This was clearly something that she needed to say so even he nodded along like he hadn't seen his baby a million times. "She's small but beautiful. You can already see so much Quinn in her." He added softly which made her smile and that was worth sounding like a sissy in front of Santana.

He heard someone gasp when they finally entered the room like those warnings hadn't actually prepared them for what was waiting on the other side of the door. "She's so tiny like a baby mouse..." Brittany. Quinn pretended not to notice that someone had just compared her child to something that lived on the streets. Rachel looked like a deer in the headlights as she neared the tiny incubator and reached a finger in through a small hole. "She's so pretty... She does look like Quinn."

It was that moment when Puck realized that this was hard for all of them in their own unique way. Rachel because she was clearly missing Finn, Brittany and Santana probably had struggles outside of making lady-love on Lesbos island.. Kurt and Blaine.. Okay so he didn't know what everyone was struggling with but he assumed there was a reason that they all suddenly looked so lost.

He blinked and suddenly Rachel was sitting on the couch beside Quinn with his poor fragile little girl in her arms. Quinn had Beth on her lap and she was holding onto one of her sickly sister's hands. This was going to be so much harder than he had ever imagined. Looking at all the wires and machines that had to follow something so tiny made him realize that this wasn't fair.

It wasn't okay to make her fight so hard because they couldn't say goodbye and he wanted to believe that this thought would lead to some much needed closure.

"She needs a name... God.. She can't die without a name, Puck." Quinn's voice broke the silence and he wished that it hadn't. Truthfully he had no idea what to name their daughter not even now. Rachel looked like she was holding back and he wondered if she was thinking about Finn again.

"Aria. She looks like an Aria to me if you guys don't mind me suggesting it."

Nobody knew how heartbreaking that it was for her to give up the one name that she and Finn had loved for their possible daughter.

She felt in a weird way like this is what he would have wanted. He wasn't going to raise children but he would meet Aria Puckerman - the little girl who was gone too soon.

Quinn and Puck exchanged a glance and both of them smiled like they found peace in this name. They both uttered the same three words at once, "Aria Barbra Puckerman."

Every single member of the former New Directions was able to hold Aria and say sweet words to her about how loved that she was and how much that she had changed their lives in the short amount of time that she'd been around. Puck would be lying if he said that he had listened fully to all of them. He already knew that Artie would tell her about how she would never know pain and Kurt would tell her with Blaine about how she would be spending time with their dead idols.

He made dann sure that he paid full attention to every word that left Quinn's mouth though. He stopped snapping pictures and just watched in awe at her composure. He'd never seen such strength before in his life.

"Sweet baby girl... Mommy loves you so much and I am so sorry that I failed you like this. I would have fought forever for you... But... You don't want to fight this. You've been so brave for so long... Too long. You can stop fighting.. You'll have so many people up there who love you and will look out for you. Grandparents, uncles, cousins and..." She paused and he knew what was coming before it even left her mouth.

_"Finn"._

One simple name led to tears from several people like suddenly his death was weighing heavily on each person. Finn's memory was like an anchor. It keeps you from drifting off into the sea.. Safe and secure but it also keeps you right where you are. There would never be a time where they completely let go of him and his memory. He hated to imagine what it must have been like for his mother when he died and now he was finding out for himself.

Everything was a blur to him after that. A doctor came in and asked if they were ready for them to turn the machines off with the warning that she may struggle which seemed so incredibly cruel. How was he supposed to watch his baby struggle? The small hospital room went from sterile and cold to cozy as he watched each of his friends find their space near him and Quinn. Beth curled herself into Rachel's arms and he could hear the diva explaining what was going on.

He caught her say Drizzle a few times.

The two seemed to find an equal amount of comfort in each other which allowed him to focus fully on Quinn and the new life that they had created. Final goodbyes turned to sobbing hysterics as they watched their tiny angel earn her wings. Amidst the grief, there was a strange feeling of comfort like someone was hugging him even though nobody was there. This feeling stayed with him for the whole two hours that he and Quinn spent crying in that hospital room until nurses forced them to hand over their creation for the last time.

Slowly everyone gathered up their hurt and had to leave until the only ones remaining were Puck, Rachel, Quinn and a very sleepy Beth. She had a hard day so far and things were only going to be downhill from here which is why Rachel offered weakly to babysit for the evening or even the week if they needed it.

It hurt but both he and Quinn knew that this was for the best. Beth didn't deserve to feel like she had to keep her parents from hurting. What they didn't know was that allowing Rachel to babysit was more for Rachel than them. She had secrets of her own that were far too dark to share.

Neither Puck or Quinn said a word to each other as they got into the car. Nothing would change what had just happened.. No words would ever stop the pain or bring Aurora back. He reached with a small sigh for the radio and almost chuckled as a song that he never expected to hear on the radio started playing. "Just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world," He sang softly almost afraid of what Quinn would do when she heard him. Break down? She did the unthinkable - she smiled. "She took the midnight train goin' anywhere" her voice sounded so angelic to him even at a time like this.

He looked in the rear view mirror and paused. He could have sworn that he saw Finn in the backseat smiling at him with that goofy grin. This was a sign.. A sign that maybe they could make it through this tragic event and be okay.


	6. He can't save her

Two months since Aurora's death and Quinn couldn't remember the last time that she had eaten something solid. Her weight had gone down dramatically and her once shiny blonde locks looked oily and dull like she hadn't showered in months. God knows that she couldn't remember the last time that she had gotten up to take a nice hot shower. The only thing keeping her alive was Puck. He came into their bedroom to deliver food then protein shakes when he realized that she wasn't putting any food in her stomach.

She could however remember who she used to be. She and her sixteen year old self were one in the same at one point. One person built from memories of past failures and hope for the future. Losing her daughter had forced her to distance herself further from this younger happier version of herself. She envied the way that she used to be even just a mere three months ago when she believed naïvely that everything would turn out okay.

She even allowed herself to indulge in wedding magazines. Planning her dream big day casually with Puck though neither of them mentioned it to each other. He pretended not to see the bridal magazines on the counter with the little sticky notes attached to the pages that she liked and she pretended not to notice that he would draw a small heart in a black sharpie pen on the note if he liked it. They exchanged glances when couples on television got married or a jewelry store commercial would come on.

Things were different now. She didn't know if she even cared about making things work with Puck. Nothing mattered anymore! Couldn't everyone see that nothing would ever matter to her again? All of her time now was spent either crying or snapping at people who she used to love. If Rachel fucking Berry called her one more time to ask her if she was okay or bring over another casserole then she was going to scream. Who did she think that she was?

Will and Emma had been by today with their lovely twins. She used to love seeing Susan and Finn! But now they were just constant reminders of what she should have but now wouldn't. She would watch little Susan happily resting in Beth's arms and realize that something was stolen from her too. She would never truly know what it was like to be a big sister.

She used to see little girls playing together as a sign of hope. She wasn't always so jaded and there was a time when she didn't feel like every breath was slowly killing her... When every look from Puck didn't make her want to scream at him if only to get a reaction. She wanted to feel something other than this horrible nothingness. She wanted him to scream at her when she told him that he sucked but he never did. He never even raised his voice to her.

He was taking on a lot. Work, Beth, keeping her alive.. He did so much and all that he got in return was venom like those people on Fatal Attractions who lovingly tend to their beasts only for them to kill them in the end yet they still love them.

Even after the most brutal attack.

She could hear his careful steps as he walked near their bedroom door. "Beth is down for bed.. I gave her a bath, read her a story and I made you some dinner... Sort of." He let out a sigh as he placed her shake on the nightstand beside a beautiful picture of her, Beth and him that had been taken to announce the gender of their sweet angel baby. Quinn had considered laying it down so she didn't have to remember that time but it felt like betraying her past self. "Why can't you leave me alone? Why do you keep feeding and forcing me to stay alive? How many times are you going to keep putting yourself through this before you realize that it will never work out?"

She could still remember saying similar words to Rachel Berry about Finn.

She was right.

"And you're going to walk away. Figures. All that you ever do is walk away, Puck. You're nothing but a Lima loser and yo always will be."

He shook his head and stopped in the door way before finally speaking, "I love you and good night."


	7. Two where there once was one

Puck woke up early every day to start his day. He learned how to make wonderful breakfast with  
waffles, bacon (despite hs own personal feelings on it), fruits, eggs.. Anything that Beth could ask  
for including one strange morning where she requested a grape jelly sandwich and spaghetti. He  
was only slightly relieved when he found out that she didn't actually want the spaghetti on the  
sandwich.. If only he had found that out before he put them together.

He made sure that Quinn had at least three shakes a day and that someone checked in on her while  
he was work. Burt had been completely understanding that he needed time off and if he had asked  
for it then he could have gotten more. He didn't want to do that to the man who he had grown to  
consider his own father and being there, as much as he hated to admit it, was easier. It was easier  
than watching the love of his life laying in a bed sobbing and knowing that he couldn't do anything  
to stop the pain.

He was safe to be out in the public now. Someone needed to pick up groceries, clothes for Beth  
and other important things. He was able to brush off the heartless comments involving Aria with  
the belief that they didn't mean any harm while Quinn let them break her heart. She allowed them  
to push that little button in her brain that turned her back into the bitchy cheerleader.

They had attempted the mall shortly after Aria's funeral only for Quinn to breakdown in the food  
court. Too much, too soon and he vowed never to push her recovery again even if she wanted to  
spend the rest of her life just like this. He loved her enough to accept that things would never be  
the same.

Every morning was the same thing. Wake Beth up, cook, drive her to preschool and then go home  
to give Quinn her protein shake and a couple of various snack foods just in case she decided that  
she actually wanted to eat today. He couldn't blame her for her feelings even if they made him feel  
like he was worthless at times. She didn't mean to.

This was twice that Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman had walked into a hospital with the  
intention of having a daughter.

Twice that Quinn and Puck walked out of the hospital without a baby.

Once for adoption and once for prematurity.

He wanted to believe that there was a reason for this but all the reasons that people offered felt  
so wrong. The most common one was that God needed another angel. He accepted that they  
meant no hard feelings but he still wondered why someone would say that. Why would they be  
given a baby only to have her ripped away? Why their baby? "Puck? Can you come here for a  
minute?"

Quinn never asked for him anymore so he didn't let whatever silly pride that tried to take over stop  
him from rushing into the room like a little desperate puppy. He just wanted her love again! "What  
did you need?" She motioned towards the bed without a word and that's when he noticed that she  
wasn't wearing anything underneath that blanket.. And that look in her eyes. So distant but he  
chose not to pay attention to that.

He made his way towards her and gave into the desires that he previously would have already  
satisfied with some other girl.

Soon two became one.

And one became two.


	8. None of this is real

**Note -**

**I would like to thank everyone who is reading this and enjoying it. It means a lot. c:**

**Now onto the serious stuff! Quinn will be getting the help that she needs but I want to be as accurate as possible with the portrayal of her recovery so I'm doing some much needed research on what this would typically include. **

* * *

Beth had been a drizzle of rain. Making Quinn and Puck's life only a little more complicated than it had been before. She dampened their eyes with tears and something beautiful grew from that - a love between two teenagers that nothing could tear apart not dating other people, or distance or any of the other struggles that they had been forced to endure. If Shelby hadn't been in love with the same 'Eleanor' for her middle name than Drizzle would have worked quite nicely.

Aria was a storm. A brilliant heartbreaking storm that was gone as quickly as she came. She only brought devastation in her path and Quinn contemplated whether or not this was a sign from above that she and Puck weren't supposed to be together or at least create a family. There had to be a reason that every pregnancy they created ended with leaving the hospital without a baby.

Lucky baby three as she was calling it would be a rainbow. Anyone in the child loss community and some outside of it would know that a rainbow baby is a baby conceived after the death of another because you can't have a rainbow without the storm. Puck didn't need to know that she wanted to get pregnant. He was so desperate for her affection now that he didn't even question her sudden desire to be closer to him.  
He was at work by the time that she woke up but she wasn't alone. Nope. Laying next to her on the bed with that signature smile on his face was Finn Hudson. Now Quinn didn't think that she was insane but perhaps she was actually losing her mind. "Fi- Wha-" She couldn't even get a word out so she just stared at him before finally getting out the most important question, "Am I dead?"

"No.. No you're not dead. This is all a part of your imagination." He shrugged as if this was something that she should be used to. "Why are you here?" She glanced down before realizing that she still didn't have any clothes on. The last time that she and Puck had been in a bed together was when she told him that he should have been her first. "I don't know why I'm here.. You're the only one who knows why I'm here, Q.. This is your imagination after all. I wouldn't be here if you didn't need me."  
She nodded as if she actually understood before moving the sheets over her naked body so she could sit up for the first time in forever. "So.. You're here because I need you? Why would I need you of all people? I'm not Rachel.. I wasn't in love with you." She knew that was a lie. She did love him at one point. Sure it may not have been the way that she loved Puck or the way that he loved Rachel but it was real in its form. "I can't tell you that either..." "What can you tell me? Anything?" She was getting more frustrated and he placed a hand over her bare shoulder which may have been uncomfortable if he wasn't dead. "Why don't you just start by telling me something that you regret doing to me? Like you know.. Making me think that you were having my baby or maybe not being there for Puck at my memorials."

"I didn't go to your funeral or your tribute because I missed you too much. I thought that maybe if I didn't go then it wouldn't be so real but then Glee club ended and I knew that I had to go. I regret letting my own issues stop me from saying goodbye. You know... You dumped me at a funeral. I think all of the stuff that you did to me makes us even." She laughed which made him laugh... Real Finn may not have found humor in this but that was okay. Or it was to Quinn. Aria's death had changed her. She felt like a new person with a new outlook on life. The girl who had allowed herself to care far too much now didn't care about anything at all. Depression took over her body and controlled her every thought, move and breath. She couldn't escape the feeling of not being enough or that what ifs. What if she and Puck had allowed Aria to fight more? What if she hadn't ate all that bacon during her pregnancy? Or if they gone to the hospital when she first thought that she felt a contraction instead of when her water broke.

All that Quinn saw in Finn's imaginary body laying on her bed was hope.

All that Puck saw was his girlfriend laughing at a throw pillow.


	9. Candles can't bake cookies

"Mommy! Mommy!" Beth didn't get scared often. She rarely cried about monsters under the bed or any of the other things that three year olds found intimidating. She took challenges and scary moments in stride with a brave heart like a lion or her father. The trees outside were thumping loudly against her window, the rain clattering down violently as the sky filled with light. She leapt from her bed and raced as fast as her tiny legs would carry her into her parents bedroom. She curled up between their bodies which immediately woke both of them up. "Oh honey.. Beth... Did the storm wake you?" Quinn reached to pull her perfect thing closer to her body as Puck reached to turn on a nearby lamp. "Power is out, Q... Do you still have all those candles in the hall closet?"

She nodded despite not actually knowing where the candles were. Had she put them back in the closet? She sat up against a couple of pillows and rocked their daughter while humming 'her' song. She had heard that the song 'Beth' was actually about a guy who had a girlfriend who wouldn't leave him alone but that didn't matter to any of them. It was the first song that Puck had ever sang to her and that meaning was more important than the likely actual meaning. "How about if we get you some water? Okay?" She carried her to the kitchen and realized that she hadn't done this in two months. Strange. She set her down on the counter by the sink and filled a small cup with tap water.

Puck returned before she could start telling their daughter about all the reasons why the weather outside couldn't hurt her. He set several candles along the living room surfaces before going back and lighting each of them. It barely gave the room a dim glow but it was enough that they could see their surroundings and no longer needed their iPhones assistance. "Okay girls.. What if we bake cookies?" He suggested as he started digging through the fridge. "Puck... The oven isn't working. We can't make cookies." Quinn reminded with an amused expression. "We have a fire place, Lucy Quinn Fabray!" He sounded almost Kurt like with that diva tone and one hand over his hip.

"This is never going to work.." She was fighting the idea verbally while still physically gathering the required items to mix up the cookie dough. Thankfully they knew a recipe for cookie dough that didn't include eggs so it didn't matter if they weren't fully baked.. Which they totally wouldn't be despite Puck's insistence that a fireplace, which they had never turned on before, would bake a batch of cookies. "Why don't you figure out how to light that thing where Bethzilla and I turn this into cookie dough?" If the room was well lite then he would see the smirk on his girl's face and object to the idea.

"Sure... This will be so easy." He was Noah Puckerman! There was nothing that he couldn't do. Did she not remember that he was the saw? If he saw a fireplace then he was going to light it.

"Beth... We're going to have a little fun with daddy, okay?" She mixed the ingredients quickly before explaining her plan to the very curious three year old. "You need to get a little drop of cookie dough in your hand and roll it into a ball in your hand like you do with play dough. And then when daddy comes back... You throw it at him very gently though because we don't want to hurt him." The room had enough light that she could see her daughter's eyes widen in clear delight. Mature? No. Fun? Yes.

Puck returned to the duo grumbling about not being able to light the fire and how it had to be broken. Beth's timing was a little off and she threw her dough before Quinn but that didn't matter. One little handful of cookie dough turned baking in the dark fun into an epic food fight that defeated the one that Quinn and Puck shared before Beth's birth. They could kiss openly now! Globs of dough ended up everywhere from their bodies, to the floor to the walls along with flower, chocolate chips which had been throw carelessly at one and other but nobody cared. Three roaring laughs distracted from the thunder raging outside. "Stop.. Stop.. I want a cookie." Puck grabbed the bowl and dashed into the living room with an idea that could change the world.

Or so he thought.

The three of them sat their messy behinds in a circle on the living room floor with a single candle in the center. "Okay.. Watch..." He stuck a stick through the center of a ball of cookie dough and placed it over the candle like you would do with a s'more over a fire. "Whoa Puck.. Look at that do absolutely nothing!" "It smells like a baked cookie.. Something is happening, Fabray." "Honey love.. This is a chocolate chip cookie scented candle." She burst into hysterical laughter followed by Beth and eventually Puck.

Tomorrow things would be serious again. Guilt would fill Quinn for enjoying a single moment without her baby and she would need to find help to get over that. Reality would set it but now none of that mattered

Tonight would mark the worst storm of the year for the city of Lima, Ohio. It would also mark the best night of their lives as their tired bodies found comfort in each other.


	10. Because he pretends to love the oatmeal

**Note -**

**I wasn't sure what Finn's middle name was so I just made it Christopher after his father. If I got it wrong then please let me know c:**

* * *

_"I, Lucy Quinn Fabray, take you, Finn Christopher Hudson, to be my lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward." She had this smile on her face that couldn't be described as anything less than sunshine. A soft giggle escaped her lips as she glanced at the crowd full of their families and friends. The only thing that could stop this day from being utterly perfect was Santana's constant glaring at her husband, Noah Puckerman. Well.. When she wasn't stealing glances at Brittany and her husband, Kurt Hummel which she couldn't blame her for. That boy was gay with a capital G! She could see a tiny Beth sitting in the front row on Carole Hudson's lap with a look of sheer awe and a face full of cake. "I, Finn Christopher Hudson, take you, Lucy Quinn Hudson, to be my lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward." "Fabray... For now." She reminded with another giggle only this one required her to cover her mouth so she wouldn't ruin the whole mood of the wedding ceremony._

_The mood of the wedding was so light and airy.. The cream and soft pink color scheme made the whole church seem like a tiny piece of heaven. "You may now kiss the bride.." Here came the big moment.. True loves everlasting kiss._

And then she woke up.

"Holy shit..." Quinn wasn't really marrying Finn Hudson, Puck wasn't really married to Santana and Brittany didn't end up with Kurt. She wasn't surprised when she saw her own piece of torture laying next to her on the scratchy living room carpet, "Why are you here, Finn? I don't need you." He shrugged, "Think about your dream... What was different?" She really hated this. It felt like she was in one of those crappy made for television movies that she and Puck used to make fun of together. "I was marrying you... I was happy or at least I looked happy. I felt really happy like I know it was a dream but I could feel everything.. Every touch, every thought. Santana was married to Puck, Kurt wasn't gay or he was... He was married to Brittany!" She was whispering because she could hear the shower running. Puck wouldn't find the humor in her talking to ghosts.

Finn smiled and she knew that she was one step closer to getting him to go away. "If I hadn't joined Glee club then all of that would have happened. Kurt never would have accepted that he was gay so he and Brittany would get married forcing Santana to marry Puck. I would have never known that Beth wasn't my daughter so we would have gotten married for her sake." She could piece it all together in her head now and a part of her liked the image. "But I love Puck. He's my soul-mat-" "I didn't say he wasn't. I'm dead, Q. I have no reason to ruin you and Puck. I like you guys together but the sooner that you admit that you feel like -" "Shut up.. Shut up..I don't feel like anything. I'm fine." She snapped louder than she intended to which caused her handsome boyfriend to ask her if something was wrong.

"I'm fine, babe.. I just saw a bug and I killed it." Her voice softened at 'killed' because a part of her felt like a murderer. It wasn't the bug or the bacon that she ate while she was pregnant with Aria. It was the constant pain that she felt towards her own irrational guilt regarding Finn's death. She had never vocalized this fear inside of her head like if she had fought harder for Finn to quit Glee then he wouldn't have ended up dying so young. She loved Puck more than she could every imagine possibly loving a man but was their love worth Finn's life? How was it fair that they got to live a potentially blissful life while he was rotting six feet under? They wouldn't have been as happy but he would be alive.. All of them would be alive right now. Knowing that Finn wasn't her soul-mate was as simple as knowing that Puck was. There were complicated reasons like him being the only person that she could truly be herself around and the utterly simple ones like how Puck always ate the oatmeal.

Quinn was good at a lot of things.

But she couldn't for the life of her figure out how to properly make oatmeal of any kind. She either added too much water creating an under-cooked bowl of watery oats or she cooked it for too long and all the water disappeared making it more like crunchy oat chips. Puck ate it without complaint or adding anything to it and she knew that it had to be awful.


	11. Summer camp for sad

The call came at two in the morning.

Quinn wished that she could say that she was sleeping but Beth couldn't sleep. She was under the weather and running an alarmingly high fever.. Okay, it was only slightly above normal and nothing to worry about but that didn't stop her. All of these visions of her daughter suddenly dying filled her head so she held onto a little tighter. She didn't want to let go so she let her phone continue ringing plus she didn't exactly mind hearing her ringtone.

"Quinn.. Your phone is ringing." Puck groaned as he rubbed his tired eyes. Sleep came easily for him especially when he was surrounded by the two most important people in his life. He pulled himself out of bed with such dramatics that she swore this was an omplyic challenge. "It's just Brittany.. I bet that she wants to know why Santana is asking her to pet her cat." "Cat... Pet her cat.. Santana doesn't have a cat.." He paused before realizing exactly what type of cat that she was talking about.

"Hello? Britt.. Do you realize what time is it?" Oh God. Did she not know how to read a clock? "Yeah.. It's half past the pink unicorn... Is Puck there?" "Yep... That is kind of what living together means. He's always here at night." She winked as he stepped out of their connected bathroom and motioned for him to come and give her a kiss as Brittany whispered rapidly to who she assumed was Santana before the Latino finally took control of the phone. "Look, Preggers, we need you to do something for us. Lady Hummel and the midget are fighting and we need you to come over and break the tie. It's kind of a big deal. Meet us in the high school parking lot in fifteen minutes." "I'll.. Talk to Puck but I don't..." She glanced over at her boyfriend who seemed to be a little nervous.. Too squirrely for someone who didn't know anything about what was happening.

"I think you should do whatever Santana is wanting you to do.. I'll even drive you if you need!" He had his keys before she could even agree. The trio soon piled into Puck's mini van and Quinn felt a pang in her chest at the sight of the newborn car seat still ready and waiting for an arrival that would never use it. Maybe the new baby could.. If it happened to be a little girl, of course. She wouldn't mind having a son like Kurt but she didn't need the judgement of putting a newborn in pink things just as she assumed Burt dreaded the judgement of giving his son the middle name 'Elizabeth'.

Being in the old McKinley parking lot smacked her right in the face with memories. "What exactly did you guys need? Kurt and Rachel aren't even here." She didn't even try to hide the aggravation in her voice. Santana placed a hand on her hip before motioning for the group to follow her around the school and to the window leading to the glee club room or rather the computer lab now apparently. "Are we seriously breaking into the school? We have a three year old with us.." She hissed but that didn't stop her from climbing into the window as soon as Santana got it open.

She almost cried when she saw how different that everything looked.. How different that everyone felt in there now. That chapter in their lives was really over and Finn's death made that so much harder to accept. He should be sneaking into the old choir room with them right now with Rachel. "Okay.. We have a lot to talk about but I would just like to point out that none of this was my idea. I was perfectly fine with letting nature take its course but Puckerman-" She was interrupted during her rant by Puck who didn't want this to be how Quinn found out about his plan.

"Quinn.. We love you and I think that you should go to this retreat I found. It's for women who have lost babies or for whatever reason don't have their children with them.." He stumbled over his words and placed Beth carefully in his arms so she wouldn't hit him but she just sat there. Brittany eventually broke the silence with an odd but comforting statement. "I once lost a baby. I was watching him for his parents and then I walked away and he was gone.. So Santana and I signed up too." She noticed the looks of horror on her friends faces and shrugged. "I'm sure that Minnie found her way home... Lord Tubbington promised that he didn't eat her."

Quinn typically would have worried more about this but instead she was thinking about how she was being sent to a summer camp for the sad.


End file.
